Redemption

If you wished to have your life turned around and have it the way you think your life must be at this point of your life, let me tell you, you’re not alone.

I have thought of so many things already for so many times in almost two weeks now, and perhaps if you’re going to ask me if I already have the answers, I’ll probably give you the lamest answer ever.

*******

I miss writing. I missed it like more than hell. I miss everything about writing. I miss putting things into words and saving them and thinking of posting it for some emo, rainy days. I miss everything that comes before and after my fingers do all the tapping on my tear-soaked-over-harrassed company laptop (this is going to be another testimony of how lame it was, but hey, it was all worth it).

And I miss how I planned my life according to my wants, will, and own self-purpose. I haven’t realized it all until I realized that my life is going nowhere, stuck between mind and soul. Yeah, forget the stupid mumbling of emotions. It wouldn’t give you the answers for any of your life’s awful questions. It isn’t going to be an ordinary college departmental exam that unimaginably can make you think of any possible way of passing. Again, for me, it is something I call shizniz. Lame.

I have to go back to basic. More than basic. Ground zero, to tell you honestly.

The life I wanted isn’t going there. The person I thought I could rely on goes so simply focused on anything overwhelming. Yeah. New world. Whatever.

And I had to go turn my head and see what I have almost forgotten.

Myself.

And I had to go back and redeem everything I have lost, emotionally.

This is going to be a close fight.